Thankful

I am thankful for the things that I am learning through this journey. There are so many things that I never realized about myself and my character that have been brought out over the last 3 years. Before Chris passed, another comedian friend of his passed away. I remember telling him that if anything were to ever happen to him, I would lose my mind. I literally told them that someone would have to bust the doors down to come and drag me out of the house because I would be UNDER the bed, depressed. Every day that I wake up, I think of the person that the enemy allowed me to THINK I was. I never would have thought that I would have been as resilient as I am. I never would have thought that I would be using this experience to help uplift and encourage others. I never would have thought that this testimony would be what would help launch me into purpose.

I got saved as a young child. I grew up in church, but in March of 2020, when the world shut down because of COVID, all I had was a 2-month-old baby, my 8-year-old cat, and Jesus! The intimacy that I experienced with the Lord at that time was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I would have never thought that I would be so open to allowing others to love on me and care for me the way that they did. I remember making a conscious decision a few days after Chris passed that I was going to allow people in. I had decided that I was going to allow myself to be vulnerable. Chris was my best friend. He was always there to provide anything that I needed. He was more than just my husband. So in many ways, I didn't have vacancies in my friend circle until they suddenly became available when he passed.

I am so thankful that the Lord sent who He sent, when He sent them. Many of the people who were in my close circle prior to Chris passing were no longer there. Many didn't know how to support me through this time, and others were also grieving, so it was hard for them to comfort me because I was a reminder of their loss. That is the amazing thing about the Lord! He was able to send people to be there for me at a time when I needed them most. I like to look at it like a relay race. The people from past seasons were able to carry me and cultivate me up to a certain point. But in this new season of widowhood, He knew I was going to need a different type of support because He was cultivating something inside of me that I didn't even see at the time. I am so thankful for the new people in my village, but what makes me even more excited is having a few of my very close friends and family who have been able to see my evolution. They know how I struggled with anxiety and depression as a young adult, so I'm sure they were just as certain as I was that this was going to break me! But for them to see how resilient I have become and how I am growing through this process makes me really proud. I am so proud of the woman that I am becoming. Every day has its own set of challenges, but this journey really shows me that with Christ, all things are possible. So although my life has been completely different than what I would have ever imagined, I am thankful and grateful every single day for the Lord being right beside me to give me everything and everyone that I need while traveling on this journey.