A Birthday Letter for You (to be read with the inflection of my voice).

35! WOW! This is actually a big birthday (although it's a family joke that we don't really know exactly how old you are since your birthday was skipped one year lol). Because of COVID we probably wouldn't have been able to travel like we used to do every year for your birthday, but it would have been nice because it has been COLD! You would be so proud of me. I'm actually doing a lot of the things that you once told me to do and continuing to do the things that you encouraged me to start. I have even started to allow people in. I accept help, love and support (crazy right?!). I have grown so much over these past 2 years and a lot of the time I hear you in my ear; mostly cussing me out and telling me to get it together (you're right though, I don't be together lol). Ronnie called me the other day with a really funny joke that she saw on tic tok that I'm sure would have been you if roles were reversed. Bookworm even recorded a song with your vocals on it which made me smile and cry at the same time. I just love how every time I feel that I need you close the Lord sends someone to remind me just how close you are.

Wow, 35...this year was going to be a good year for us. We would have been buying a house. It's so crazy because I feel like the Lord is telling me not to stay so close to where we live now, and I know how you felt about suburban life, so I know you're probably going to be pissed with the house that I decide on lol. But since it's just me and Blue now we have to move somewhere that's a little safer and where the schools are good because your girl is SO SMART! She recognizes every letter of the alphabet, she can count up to 10 (and point out the numbers) and she knows her shapes! She has even started using the potty. And when she has an accident she lets me know by saying "I'm wet". Babe how is she so smart?! She isn't even 2 yet! And Trish already told me that I wasn't that smart when I was her age! We are so blessed to have her. As you already know, I decided to add your name to the name that we had already chosen, so intead of her first name just being Drew (which I still love so much), it's ChristenDrew. She looks just like you and acts just like you! My God is she stubborn! But she walks into any room and OWNS IT! Her confidence is more than you and I put together. I just love you so much and wish that you could be here in person for this part of the journey. I know that you are always here in spirit but sometimes it would be nice to just snuggle and hang out. You were legit my best friend. Blue knows exactly who you are and that makes me so happy. She points to your pictures and says "daddy". Lately she has been waking up around 2-3am laughing and playing....so I will kindly ask that if that's you, to please wait until a more reasonable time (like 9-10am once I'm awake lol).

You would be happy to know that Foley and Cassidy come down very often to see Blue. Like legit she loves them so much! And Meech, Reem and Nick did a guys trip like you always wanted! It was so nice! They went to a 49ers game and wore jerseys with you and Blue's birthdate on them. It was so nice! Just know that we are all down here making sure that your legacy lives. My biggest goal is to share my story to inspire others. I don't know where this girl that I've turned into came from but its crazy. I'm actually super outgoing and really involved with ministry. And it's not singing or dancing (who knew I had other gifts? lol). I am just so grateful for the things that you taught me and for continuing to help me evolve. Many of the things that I am putting into practice now are because of things that we've talked about. Ok, this letter is going around and around (like a Chris Cotton testimony on a Sunday morning lol!) Funny enough, today is Sunday so I guess it's fine...actually yes, that's what this is. This letter is in the format of one of your long winded testimonies that at some point I would have to end up interpreting for the rest of the congregation lol! Awe man babe, we really had a good run. So many different experiences. And it's hard to think that we won't experience any more milestones together. So in the mean time, I will continue to think about what your comments would be about my actions and act accordingly. I love you so much babe, this wasn't even supposed to be a letter. Actually I don't know what this was supposed to be. I just haven't blogged in so long I just started tying the words as they came to mind. So happy Birthday babe! This is your official birthday card.